Thankfulness Day 15 - Thoughts on Time...

This is supposed to be one of my days of thankfulness, but my thoughts have been concerning time. Cancer is a race against time. How fast can you heal and battle it before it consumes you? How quickly can you get a hold on it before it is too far-gone? Having been diagnosed with cancer at the last possible stage, time is truly of the essence for me, and there is no room to be lax. No matter how much time I have left, I am so thankful for the time that came before, the time I have been given on this earth.

I got married at 22 and had my son at 23. My husband and I had a lot of support in our decision to marry young, but there were also some nay-sayers. I had a good handful of people tell me no, don’t get married. You’re young, go and live life. (Because having a family isn’t living life?) Have a career and make something of yourself before “settling” down. (Because without a career you can’t make anything of yourself?) No, don’t move overseas to Italy. Stay near to the people you already know. (Should I never meet anyone new ever again?) You have plenty of time to travel. (Did I? Do YOU?) And for heavens sake don’t have children so young! Wait until you’ve both worked for awhile; save, prepare and plan for the perfect time. (Because life is so in our control that we can schedule perfect times for things like that…)

For some reason time has always been on my mind, even before my diagnosis. I knew our time on earth is uncertain, and I knew what I needed to do. As such, I knew they were wrong, and I am so glad I didn’t listen to the nay-sayers! I have lived a life of great adventures and chased after my dreams. Yes I married straight out of college at 22 and had our Little One at 23 and somewhere in there I moved halfway around the world. But who would have known that at 23, I would also be diagnosed with the most advanced stage of cancer? Turns out all those people who had to put in their two cents were wrong. Turns out I may not have had the time to marry, may not have had time to have children, and may not have had time to travel the world. And see that’s just it, NO ONE knows how much time they have left. So what are they waiting for? What are YOU waiting for!?

YOU ARE DYING! You, yes you reader. All of you and everyone else is currently dying. Some slow, some fast. Some know, some don’t. Perhaps I am the lucky one. I may know when. You don’t. You may think you are in good health and life is lovely and rosy, however you could hop in your car tomorrow and never arrive at your destination. You could go to the airport and some crazy shooter will decide your life is worthless and end it in the blink of an eye. Or you could be like me, and a darkness will seep inside and slowly eat away at your life and health before you can catch it. No matter the cause, you are currently closer to dying than you were when you started reading this post.

             

So why isn’t everyone seizing the day and living life to the fullest?! (And no, please don’t think I am advocating YOLO. What could have been a very positive trend seems to have become an excuse for the poor life choices of the youth…) And no, I don't mean you should marry whomever you're with right now or procreate at this very moment, obviously one must utilize some wisdom... I mean more of a perspective shift. I know it sounds totally cliché, but if you were to live like you were dying, would you be on facebook, or reading to your child? Would you watch tv, or go walking with your friend? etc etc. If it wasn’t a perspective you were living with before, it will certainly change and redirect your priorities now. What really matters will sift to the forefront and I believe you will be doing the things that truly make you happy and fulfill you. Prior to having cancer I would wistfully wish I had more time to hang with God, to study his word and meditate, etc. Well now that I have cancer and sit on the couch for my electromedicine therapy three hours a day, I now spend three hours in study and prayer. It's awesome! Somehow, I now have the time... where was that time before??

The thought of leaving my loved ones behind isn’t a happy one, but the idea of never having them at all is even sadder. (Rather like, “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”) So I am thankful for the decisions I have made, I don’t believe I would have done it differently if I had to do it over, and I am thankful for the time I have been given.

Now I bid thee adieu, for although I like to keep everyone updated on the blog, someone small is awaiting snuggles. Good night. (Priorities! ;) ) 

Yes, all the right decisions <3