Thankfulness Day 3 - Thankful for my Cancer

Today I am thankful for my cancer. That may sound like a strange thing to be thankful for, but you can bet I have thought on it much and it brings me to tears how thankful I am to have this cancer. Come with me as I explain.

            Have you ever experienced a time when you wanted to swap places with someone? I certainly have. Both good times and bad times. I can easily recall back to February of this year, when my baby was a week old and we were in a bustling Italian hospital. I wasn't entirely sure what they were testing him for as they drew blood from my screaming newborn every hour, or what they were saying to me in their foreign language. All I knew was that his blood tests hadn’t come back good and I spent most of my time in fervent prayer over him hoping it wasn’t life threatening. I remember then asking and begging God not to take him from me. We know now that although his condition could be serious, it is not life threatening and can be medically treated. (for those who missed what happened in February, check here: Adam and PKU )

How does this relate to my cancer? Well whilst doing my various treatments and feeling a bit in a slump with the drudgery, work, and unknown progress of it all , the random thought flitted across my mind and said, “Imagine how stressful this would be if little Adam had cancer”. The shock from the wake of the flitting thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Whoa. Adam dying of cancer. How dreadfully, horrible that would be! I followed that trail of thought…

My Adam, my husband, my mother, my father, my brother and sisters, family and close friends, they don’t have it. I DO! The realization was one of those moments when you fall to your knees in awe and profusely thank God. If it were possible there was an alternate reality experience in which someone I love got this cancer, I know I would be on my knees night and day praying for them and pleading with God to let me swap places and let me fight for them. I would be begging with him to spare them and take me instead. If that were the case, and such an alternative experience would have happened, I have been given my desire! It’s quite possible that this cancer was intended for me all along. But I know that if it had been intended for someone else I love, I would have wanted it for them as I pleaded for their life. And so, in a complicated way, I have what I would want if I didn’t have it. This realization has brought me a peculiar peace and incredible relief and joy.

Thus, I have concluded that this cancer, and everything that has come with it, is a blessing. I am thankful for the opportunity to take a leap of faith, thankful for the chance to see and experience just how much my family and I are loved, thankful for the reminder of how precious and short life is, thankful for the opportunity for my husband and I to team up in battle, and above all, thankful that I, and not the ones I love, have this cancer. Today and all the days that follow me, I am and will be so thankful that I have been given this cancer.

“And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could, oh...

'C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let me steal this moment from you now.
C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let's exchange the experience, oh...'”

~Running up that Hill – by Placebo

(link to the cool song listed above: Running Up That Hill)