This is supposed to be one of my days of thankfulness, but
my thoughts have been concerning time. Cancer is a race against time. How fast
can you heal and battle it before it consumes you? How quickly can you get a
hold on it before it is too far-gone? Having been diagnosed with cancer at the
last possible stage, time is truly of the essence for me, and there is no room
to be lax. No matter how much time I have left, I am so thankful for the time
that came before, the time I have been given on this earth.
I got married at 22 and had my son at 23. My husband and I
had a lot of support in our decision to marry young, but there were also some
nay-sayers. I had a good handful of people tell me no, don’t get married.
You’re young, go and live life. (Because having a family isn’t living life?) Have
a career and make something of yourself before “settling” down. (Because
without a career you can’t make anything of yourself?) No, don’t move overseas
to Italy. Stay near to the people you already know. (Should I never meet anyone
new ever again?) You have plenty of time to travel. (Did I? Do YOU?) And for
heavens sake don’t have children so young! Wait until you’ve both worked for
awhile; save, prepare and plan for the perfect time. (Because life is so in our
control that we can schedule perfect times for things like that…)
For some reason time has always been on my mind, even
before my diagnosis. I knew our time on earth is uncertain, and I knew what I
needed to do. As such, I knew they were wrong, and I am so glad I didn’t listen
to the nay-sayers! I have lived a life of great adventures and chased after my
dreams. Yes I married straight out of college at 22 and had our Little One at
23 and somewhere in there I moved halfway around the world. But who would have
known that at 23, I would also be diagnosed with the most advanced stage of
cancer? Turns out all those people who had to put in their two cents were
wrong. Turns out I may not have had the time to marry, may not have had time to
have children, and may not have had time to travel the world. And see that’s
just it, NO ONE knows how much time they have left. So what are they waiting
for? What are YOU waiting for!?
YOU ARE DYING! You, yes you reader. All of you and everyone
else is currently dying. Some slow, some fast. Some know, some don’t. Perhaps I
am the lucky one. I may know when. You don’t. You may think you are in good
health and life is lovely and rosy, however you could hop in your car tomorrow
and never arrive at your destination. You could go to the airport and some
crazy shooter will decide your life is worthless and end it in the blink of an
eye. Or you could be like me, and a darkness will seep inside and slowly eat
away at your life and health before you can catch it. No matter the cause, you
are currently closer to dying than you were when you started reading this post.
So why isn’t everyone seizing the day and living life to
the fullest?! (And no, please don’t think I am advocating YOLO. What could have
been a very positive trend seems to have become an excuse for the poor life
choices of the youth…) And no, I don't mean you should marry whomever you're with right now or procreate at this very moment, obviously one must utilize some wisdom... I mean more of a perspective shift. I know it sounds totally cliché, but if you were to live
like you were dying, would you be on facebook, or reading to your child? Would
you watch tv, or go walking with your friend? etc etc. If it wasn’t a perspective you
were living with before, it will certainly change and redirect your priorities
now. What really matters will sift to the forefront and I believe you will be
doing the things that truly make you happy and fulfill you. Prior to having cancer I would wistfully wish I had more time to hang with God, to study his word and meditate, etc. Well now that I have cancer and sit on the couch for my electromedicine therapy three hours a day, I now spend three hours in study and prayer. It's awesome! Somehow, I now have the time... where was that time before??
The thought of leaving my loved ones behind isn’t a happy
one, but the idea of never having them at all is even sadder. (Rather like,
“Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”) So I am
thankful for the decisions I have made, I don’t believe I would have done it
differently if I had to do it over, and I am thankful for the time I have been
given.
Now I bid thee adieu, for although I like to keep everyone
updated on the blog, someone small is awaiting snuggles. Good night.
(Priorities! ;) )
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| Yes, all the right decisions <3 |
