The Power of Attorney

(picture borrowed from google images)

This isn't the most riveting of posts, but people have asked what we're up to and we're not currently engaged in the most riveting of activities. We are still working on in-processing to base, as well as many other things. This post, although not the most exciting, is very informative and an update of one aspect of our activities.

On the very first day of my arrival here, the wife of our sponsor family poured out her wealth of advice to me as we were being toted from place to place getting set up and settled in. I was vastly sleep deprived and was only catching bits and pieces of what she was saying, but managed to make rough mental notes of most of it.

            One of the tips she gave that stuck out most was getting a power of attorney. I had heard the term before, but really didn’t understand what it meant. It sounded very official and serious and not something that I would need. I learned that, in short, it is a document signed by my husband (in my case at least) and that it makes me the “agent” and gives me authorization to act on his behalf whether it be private affairs, business, or other legal matters. Understanding what it meant, I was still perplexed as to why I would need such a document. We are married, and for some reason I held the naïve belief that this meant I could sign whatever he could sign for and we’d be good. We were a certified team and partnership, why shouldn't this be the case? But apparently that isn’t so, and particularly with the military, it is near impossible to make progress in some matters without a spouse's signature.

            My sponsor shared her stories of why she had to get one. Her husband was sent on a temporary duty assignment just a few months before they were to PCS (Permanent Change of Station, or basically to relocate) to the base in Italy. Knowing there was much work to do involved with PCSing, she attempted to start the process and was met with roadblocks at every turn, including attempting to get their daughter a passport. They refused to issue a passport to their daughter without the signature of her husband. She did her best to convince them that she wasn’t kidnapping their child and simply wanted to make sure they would have it on time for the move, but they would not budge. When her husband finally got back from his temporary duty assignment, they had a ton of work to squeeze into a short amount of time, and most of it was on his shoulders as there was little she was permitted to do to help.

            They did let the movers come and pick up their furniture for shipment (as it takes months for it to travel to Italy) while her husband was away. However, when they received their shipment in Italy months later, they were missing furniture. And I don’t mean a few small pieces, they were missing entire sofa sets and desks! They also had some broken and damaged goods. The standard procedure now would be to file a claim and get reimbursed for your loss (like we did with the damaged hubcaps). However, since her husband hadn’t been there to sign off on the papers when the furniture left the states, they deemed the wife’s signature invalid and refused to refund them for their losses. Due to these and other instances, she advised me to get one. I made a mental note to get one at some point, in case I needed it, though I didn’t think the occasion would arrive very soon.

            Four days later I found myself in a class at the hospital. Through the hand of God I was able to get on this in time. The hospital offers this class for pregnant women about to deliver, and it’s a valuable crash course in everything military and baby related, particularly all the forms, birth certs, and processes required. However, they only offer this class every couple months, and this was really the last one available before I was due. I happened to meet another pregnant woman with my due date who hooked me up with the higher ups who were able to squeeze me into the class the afternoon before and then she picked me up and took me to and from the class as we didn’t have a license or car yet. (whew, things really fell into place there in such a short amount of time!) It was crazy and exhausting, but I’m so glad I made it in! The vast amount of forms and knowledge I procured would have been very difficult and frustrating to attempt and find on my own. It was like an info fair, where all the necessary organizations on base come to you and give you their spiel and forms. Otherwise I’d have to go out and find them and figure out the proper order of things myself.

            I, having arrived so late in my pregnancy, was even farther behind on this paperwork than others, and I spent four hours that afternoon filling out papers and taking notes on everything we’d need to do. There were 27 other women there, all due in January and February, and the majority had their spouses. My DH was unfortunately unable to attend. My hubby has been fantastic and has attended every doctor appointment, ultrasound, hospital tour, birthing class, and form filing-out session possible, but being that it was our first week here, he had a ton of work to do and mandatory briefings regarding work, moving in, living abroad, etc etc and simply could not take out the time block to attend this meeting.

            I figured it was no big deal, most times these sort of meetings aren’t, but I found it very difficult to fill out the forms without him. Our first presenter addressed those without accompanied spouses and said, “If you have a power of attorney, now’s the time to pull it out”. What? I thought. Here it is again, that thing my sponsor wife was talking about. Already? I figured this was low on the priority list, a back burner “I’ll do this when I finally have a breather” sort of to-do. Women without spouses, primarily ones whose husband’s were deployed, pulled out their “power’s of attorney” and whisked through the forms. I was stopped every time it came to a highlighted box asking for my husband’s signature. I know his signature well and can forge it easily, however with each presenter standing right there and directly collecting the forms, there was no way I could pass off as having him present. It was rather frustrating, as if he doesn’t have enough to do without being dragged to more meetings, particularly when some of the things they were asking his permission for seemed so absurd. It seemed ridiculous to me, we are married, why can’t his signature or mine count for both our voices?? Instead of getting to turn in as many forms as everyone else, I was collecting a stack of forms and jotting down notes of where and when I’d have to turn them in after I was able to get his signature, thus creating a much longer to-do list for him and myself as well. I knew then I needed to get this power of attorney ASAP, if only so I could fill out medical forms for our child while he was at work!

            First chance we got upon having our car and licenses, we were over at the hospital where we spent another hour filling out forms (an hour! And we were flying through these forms and each had our own stack. Sooo preposterous. If you wonder where the amazon rainforest is going, I’d blame the gross amount of forms required by the military, but I’ve digressed…) The next day we were running errands and my DH had an appointment in a certain building. I noticed that the legal office was in the same building as his appointment so I went upstairs to talk with them. I have found most things in the military require several processes and forms leading up to the form you actually want to get, so I wanted to do my preliminary research and see if I could make an appointment to meet with someone, what forms they would require, how long the process took, etc etc.

            When it was my turn at the front desk I asked the woman about obtaining a power of attorney and what was involved with that process. “What do you want it for?” she asked. I replied that I just wanted a general power of attorney so I could use it for any number of things. “Oh we don’t have general power’s of attorney. You must have a specific instance”. I was confused, I was sure that’s what my sponsor had advised me to get. I thought for a moment about a specific instance and recalled the previous day’s medical fiasco. I told the woman I’d like a power of attorney that allowed me to sign off on medical related things for our child. “A medical power of attorney? There is no such thing.” She gave me a look that seemed both bored with me and as though she really didn’t want to talk with me. I was confused again as I recalled all the other women who pulled out their “power’s of attorney” and were able to submit their medical forms without their spouses. I tried to probe further but she drummed her fingers and became engaged with her computer screen, barely acknowledging me. I knew I was right and I concluded that she was either new and ignorant, or had decidedly chosen not to be helpful. Regardless, I knew I wouldn’t get further with her, so I smiled and thanked her and left. My brother, also in the air force, once told me that you can get anything you want to happen, you just have to find the right person and fill out the right form. How true that is, and apparently this woman was not the right person. That was fine by me, I could wait for another day or perhaps come back on her lunch break and hope someone useful would be in her place.

I met with my husband’s sponsor’s wife who showed me her forms after I explained what had happened. Emblazed across the top of her form where the words: “General Power of Attorney”, precisely the thing I had originally requested. Like I had previously suspected but was not positive of, it did indeed exist and was an option, the woman at the front desk was just ignorant. I expressed this to our sponsor’s wife and she disagreed. She said I’d need to haul my hubby up there and have him demand one. She said that in the past, such power’s have been abused as it could give you full reign over banking and any other sensitive issues. She said, although rare, there have been men who come home from deployment to discover their property legally sold in their name and the wife and kids gone and things like that. She said due to things like this, it is unlikely they would be cooperative with me or any woman coming in questioning for such a thing. Ah… I understand now. I also understand why, despite being married, I require his signature and approval for everything. It is because there are some people who abused the system and have ruined it for everyone else. Because others have mistreated their power (and I mean in marriage alone, not including with this legal document) that it is now required for both spouses to sign vast amounts of paperwork for every insignificant detail of their lives.

The next chance our schedule allowed, my hubby and I went up to the legal office together. The same woman manned the front desk. My husband stated that he would like a General Power of Attorney. The woman opened a drawer next to her and pulled out a file containing many copies of this document. I found it difficult to bite my tongue and keep from making a curt remark about her sudden knowledge on the subject she was dumb to only days before. She signed it, he signed it, I signed it, and then we left. It was easy and brief. We exchanged no words and I don’t recall her once making eye contact with me.  

A few days later a friend of my husband’s who moved to this base at the same time was lamenting how much work he had to do and how he didn’t feel he could fit in the wait to file forms at the housing office (the wait alone runs around at least an hour) and inquired how Troy was arranging his schedule to fit in the wait at the housing office. Troy smiled and said, “Oh, my wife’s taking care of that”. His friend responded: “Oh you got your wife on that? Lucky…” I smiled too. Yes, I was on it, and days later when that same friend had an emergency and my hubby had to rush him to the ER in another city, I was able to keep our appointments and sign the forms without his presence. Together we can divide and conquer and hopefully get all these processes completed quicker and with less stress.

If any other military wives happen to be reading this and have experienced similar frustrations, I recommend you get a Power of Attorney. They’re only good for a year at a time, and as such must be renewed, but you never know when you’ll need it. So long as you use it wisely, it can be an asset to your productivity. :)